Saturday, May 7, 2016

Mother's Day Bloom: The Fragrance of Redemption

For those who have read my blogs which reveal a once strained mother-daughter relationship I share this so you can see the positive results of why I write the negative. May this encourage those who understand.

L to R: Cyndi Jo, Gram-maternal, Mike, Tammy Sue
L to R: Mom & Dad
Cyndi Jo, Mike, Tammy Sue

The reason I share the truth of past pains is so I can celebrate the gain of our victories!

L to R: Tammy Sue, Mike, Cyndi Jo 

L to R - Tammy Sue, Cyndi Jo, Mom, Mike in back
It is never easy to shed light on a situation that needs a change for healing. It’s a risky and vulnerable position to tread.

I am here to tell you that our families relationships have improved tremendously in the past couple of years. Proof that when it seems impossible, it is never to late for redemption.

Because our mom and her children (us) have been willing to dig in the dirt of past hurts, we can shed light on truths and begin to heal and grow a richer family relationship that talks about things other than the weather. What a sweet fragrance we are experiencing.

My mother has become my biggest fan, supporter, encourager and cheerleader of my blog and book. More than once she has told me, “I know you didn't have the best childhood and I wish more than anything it could've been different but you must keep writing and get your story out so other's can heal.” 

I share a couple blog quotes from her because this was foreign conversation between us not too long ago. I bring you into the world of our growth in an effort to offer hope.

Blog - Healing With Mom May 6, 2015 “Thank you, Tammy Sue. I couldn't be prouder of you! We've come through a lot; I wonder where the next ten years will take us. I love you with all my

Blog –  Infertility: The Empty Mother’s Day Womb May 2, 2016 “Nicely said! I can read this now, knowing how far we've come. I love you so much. Mom”

more redemptive healing...
Mom sent this in January 2016
And this is why I write, heal and write to heal!

Victory and Redemption!
I can honestly say with a true heart 
I love you and I am proud to call you mom! 

Thanks for digging in the dirt with me.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom! 
Tammy Sue

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Infertility: The Empty Mother's Day Womb

This goes out to all the motherless wombs who grieve Mother's Day because it hurts.

Like many celebrations that our society recognizes, Mother's Day is one of those holiday's that has grown to astronomic proportions of flowers, cards and candy. God forbid we forget to thank our mother on the designated calendar date. I mean, there's only 364 other days where we might miss the opportunity to be thankful.

Yes, a little cynical but this holiday takes on different shades of grief for those who don't have a mother, never knew their mother, lost their mother, hate their mother, have angst with their mother, didn't have a good mother-daughter relationship or were never able to conceive and be a mother. I'm sure the list goes on.

At the grocery store I'd better get the frozen food last because of the hours I will spend at the card rack searching for the perfect Mother's Day card. Because I grew up abused it'd hard to find one that doesn't say Thank you for always being there and protecting me

And while trying to find a card to be kind guilt invades because I don't gravitate with ease to one of those flowery cards. And before tears can seep out, I set my jaw and grit my teeth to guard against the pain of my own infertility.

Warmed by the memory of a friend who found me wandering the card aisle while I held bananas, I was captivated by our divine encounter as she declared, our God has a plan for your life, not to harm you but to give you plans for the future.  I'm thinking, yeah, right, I'm not feeling it right now. But our eyes locked in the middle of my pain as she blurted, "I don't know where that came from." But we knew in our hearts it came from His peace that brings the hope of something I'm just not privy to know yet, while still clinging to my grief before I'm ready to let it go.
Our infertility was very painful during this time of my life for there are many layers to the scars of motherhood beyond the stretch marks and obvious duty stated on a Hallmark card.

I'd like to share an excerpt from my book.

start book excerpt...
During this time of infertility, several proud parents lined the front of the sanctuary eager to have their newborns dedicated on this special day. One by one, as babies were held up for the congregation to see, the moms’ glowed. I shut down.

Following one particular Mother’s Day, the Pastor at that time rattled off glowing attributes of motherhood. After the syrup was poured, he topped his sundae sermon with a cherry that said, “So come on ladies let’s get busy and have more babies.” Ouch. His verbal blow punched me in the gut where all my womanhood had failed me.
end book excerpt...