Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Burying the Past

Have you ever heard some of these sayings or versions of the same theme?
  • Time heals all wounds 
  • Leave the past behind and move on
  • That was then, this is now
  • Bury the past or bury the hatchet
  • Get a grip
  • Pull yourself up by your bootstraps
  • Don't let the past steal your future
  • Suck it up cupcake
There is truth in all of these. But I think how to; heal, leave it behind, get a grip and move on to enjoy the present and future is open to interpretation. How to do this and how long it takes will be different for everyone.

Do you think there is a difference between leave the past vs bury the past?

Noah Webster's revised unabridged dictionary 1828 and 1913 editions offer various definitions:

Leave 1913
  1. To withdraw one's self from; to go away from; to depart from; as, to leave the house.
  2. To let remain unremoved or undone; to let stay or continue, in distinction from what is removed or changed.
  3. To cease from; to desist from; to abstain from.
  4. To desert; to abandon; to forsake; hence, to give up; to relinquish.
  5. To let be or do without interference; as, I left him to his reflections; I leave my hearers to judge.
Bury 1828
  1. To deposit a deceased person in the grave; to inter a corpse; to entomb.
  2. To cover with earth, as seed sown.
  3. To hide; to conceal; to overwhelm; to cover with any thing; as, to bury any one in the ruins of a city.
  4. To withdraw or conceal in retirement; as, to bury one''s self in a monastery or in solitude.
  5. To commit to the water; to deposit in the ocean; as dead bodies buried in the deep.
  6. To place one thing within another.
  7. To forget and forgive; to hide in oblivion; as, to bury an injury.
In summary and context to this topic, my answer would be:
  • leaving - means ignoring something I don't want to deal with
  • burying - means taking action to finish dealing with something I no longer want to bury me
In case you haven't read my page Meet Tammy Sue or listened to my Audio Clip, let me back fill for you. My relationship with my Dad was, to say the least, estranged. My Dad had a hard life growing up so in turn he shared that with me and my family. As time went on, his attitude grew harder, defensive and turned bitter and angry as he turned to alcohol which didn't agree with his pain medication nor the betterment of our family structure. Our home was fraught with tension, verbal and physical abuse.
  • June 1986 was the last time I spoke with Dad. Alcohol took over his priorities.
  • March 1992 Dad died.
  • July 1992 I learned he died (4 months after the fact), that there'd be a service of sorts, but never heard another word.
  • September 2011 I learned my dad had never been buried. 
  • July 2012 I obtained his ashes -
    • 20 years after he died
    • 26 years after the last time I talked to him
  • October 27, 2012 I buried him
When a crazy thing happens like getting ashes I didn't know existed, and then having the opportunity to bury them 20 years later, it gives a whole new perspective on: put it behind you, move on, and bury the past. 

Monday, October 13, 2014

The Christmas Dress

Saturday night my husband and I went to the Bread Box Theater with good friends of ours. The wife of the other couple and I were sharing how we often think we look fat. Wow, what a news flash, women thinking they look fat! Never heard of such a thing. Ha Ha. She is skinnier than me. While I'm thinking I'd like her waistline, she said she's bigger than all her sisters so I shared, "I look at old photos of when I was skinny, yet at that time I felt fat. Now I wish I could get those days back!" We both shook our heads and said, "What is it with women?" I suggested it's an inner view of ourselves.

I've had some pretty negative inner views to overcome. Intellectually I understand the concept but boy is it hard work. One day I feel great, the next day I look in the mirror and say, "What happened?" Well, it takes time, patience, truth and revelation. So it takes digging, more patience, perseverance, and belief in the truth.

There are a few stories from my past that helped shape my view of myself, but I will share one. Because this is out of context, here's a synopsis to fill in some gaps. My dad was becoming an angry man and drinking regularly. Having met the other end of his hand or belt numerous times, I was already afraid of him. My shadow is my sister. I was about 8 or 9 years old. Here is an excerpt from my book.